i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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