He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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