I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
