Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
