If that was your dad, he is hot
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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