Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
