Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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