happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
