At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
