Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
