Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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