where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
