The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
