Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
