apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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