Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
