dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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