WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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