No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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