he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
