i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
