imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
