Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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