i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
