I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
