Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
