Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
