i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
