I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
