ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
