I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
