I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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