If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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