dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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