i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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