I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
