I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you would pick up someone in the library
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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