I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
