I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
