All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
