some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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