I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
