I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
