In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
