he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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