So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
