Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
