i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
