FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
