He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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