apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize
