At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I need water and some morals
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