If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
