bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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