I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
