I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
