News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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