would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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