and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
look no pants
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He passed out mid-signature
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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