when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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