I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
