I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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