You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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