So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
