there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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