is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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