I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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