I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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