i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
