As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
