I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
