So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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