yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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