at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
do herpes really smell.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
as a side note pls kill me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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