i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
