just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize