I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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