I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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