I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
