Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
