He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
