my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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